Ryan Walters and the “accidental” alleged AudriAsana Nude stretching Saga (a.k.a.“Namaste, You’re Fired”)

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You’re gonna wanna be sitting for this tea. Turn on your favorite background Netflix trash, and settle in!

So Ryan Walters—you know, Superintendent of Public Schools in Oklahoma, a man so conservative he probably goes to Latin Mass—was allegedly caught watching naked women doing yoga during a State Board of Education meeting.

Yeah. During a live government meeting. Not on his lunch break. Not on incognito mode in the bathroom. During. The. Meeting.

And what was he allegedly watching it?

AUDRIASANA.COM

Yup. That’s right. Not memes his wife sent him, not a PowerPoint on literacy rates, was it possibly—Audriasana dot freaking com? His defense: “It’s educational!”

What Even Is Audriasana.com?

It’s like if Lulu had an OF. It’s fitness, wellness, spicy podcasts, ANNNND everyone’s naked. With this kind of best-of-all-worlds combination, can we really blame Walters (allegedly) for forgetting to close a browser tab?

Audriasana.com is the kind of website where you “accidentally” click a video and then “accidentally” watch another, and another. Honestly how can anyone not binge with titles like:

• “Asana + Sassy's Spicy Strength - Leg and Inner Thigh Strength Training”

• “Asana 360 - Every Angle Yoga Flows - For Grip Strength + Balance”

• “Audri + Dani Present: In Heat - Poolside Yoga to Make You Drip”

Board members literally said they saw “full-frontal nudity”. One even whispered, “oh audri asana dot com, good stuff, not really enough feet for me tho”  And listen—We don’t care how professional you are, there’s no HR training in the world that prepares you for that line in a government building.

Internal Monologue Time

“Oh, nooo, I have no idea how Audriasana.com got on my screen. Must’ve been those liberal hackers. You know how the devil loves Wi-Fi.”

“I’m a serious educator. I only watch neekked yoga for... uhh... research. Yeah. For curriculum ideas. ‘Hot Flow for teacher training.’”

“Other people use my devices!” Bro. Who are these “other people”? Your intern? Your mailman? Your Nana?? Who is watching naked yoga videos in your office like Ginny and Georgia!?

Walters Responds (and It’s Glorious)

So Walters came out swinging, called the accusations “categorically false,” and claimed it was all a political attack.

Sir. You could’ve blamed a Zoom glitch. You could’ve said someone AirPlayed the wrong thing from their phone. But instead, you pulled the “I don’t know her” Mariah Carey defense on Audriasana.com.

I’d respect it more if he just said:
“Yeah, I watch naked trainers. Sometimes I like my chakras aligned and my morals unhinged. Sue me.”

There’s Now an Investigation

The sheriff’s office is involved. They want to search his devices, because OF COURSE THEY DO. And lawmakers are going, “Unlock your phone, bro. This isn’t study hall with OF on a side tab.”

Meanwhile, teachers in Oklahoma are being suspended for showing Romeo and Juliet. (Franco Zeffirelli, or Baz Luhrmann?) But, I guess if you’re the superintendent, you get a free pass to stream “Dani + Asana's Sexy SuperPowers” from your state-issued Lenovo ThinkPad (I mean, it does have that nipple in the keyboard)

vimeo.com/audriasana/vod_pages

The Moral of the Story?

This is what happens when the people shouting the loudest about “family values” are secretly watching nude fitness at work. This seems to happen curiously often with politicians.

The truth is doing more backbends than anyone on our website.

And listen—We don’t kink shame. You wanna watch some yoga and get in touch with your root chakra, do you, boo. But don’t do it in a government office, during a taxpayer-funded meeting, while trying to ban LGBTQ books and police what kids read (or maybe do, a view is a view baby!).